my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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