Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
