3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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