Swine flu. Run for my life!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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