I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
