Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
