"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
