also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
