youre lurking in front of me
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
