dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
