areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
