I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
