So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
