i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
