areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize