You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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