the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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