You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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