How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
