anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
