You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize