The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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