He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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