she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
