I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
