If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
