so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
