I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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