I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
