I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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