eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
