I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
