i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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