Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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