All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
