Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
