He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
