I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
