I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
