he wants to bone in the snuggie
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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