dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
