i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
