I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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