So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
