I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
