Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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