I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
