I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
