Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
