I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
