no, he came in my armpit
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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