wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
