If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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