The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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