today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize