Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize