Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
