Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
