I wanna passion pit in your ass
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
