Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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