Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
