Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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