he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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