I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
