I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
