i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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