Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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