So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
