dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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