I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
