I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
