i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
