Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
