Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
