I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have fence marks all over my body
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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