i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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