Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
