I'm so fucking centered right now
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
