What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i out mim tonsoeep
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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