One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
