Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
