I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
