Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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