Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
