so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
