she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
