so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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